Frightful Night

I know what you're thinking "golly, I try to read Joy's blog, but it's so boring"! Well, maybe a recap of my morning will help that a bit. Or maybe not.

1:24 am
Phone rings
Joy: Hello?
pause
Whispery Man Voice: Joy?
Joy: Yes.
Whispery Man Voice: I wanted to know if I can come over and %$&# you.
Joy hangs up
Joy calls Justin (because of course this type of thing would only happen if my husband wasn't home)
Joy: I think I'm going to call 911 and open the gun cabinet.
Justin: Why would you open the gun cabinet?
Joy: Well, I'm obviously not going to shoot anyone, I just want something heavy to smack someone upside the head with.
Justin: OK, your best bet is the 12 gauge. You don't need to shoot, the noise will scare the hell out of anyone.
Joy calls 911
Joy calls Justin to tell him she called 911
Sheriff calls Joy
Sheriff: Is your name in the phone book? The same thing happened to somebody last night. Try to get some sleep.
Joy calls Justin
Joy: I think I'm going to call Dan.
Justin: I'll call him for you.
Justin calls back
Justin: I left a message for him. Wait, he's calling me back now.
Dan calls Joy
Dan: Are you OK?
Joy: Yeah, I think so. I'm clutching my baton. I figure I can kick some majorette ass with this thing!
Dan: Do you want to come over?
Joy: No, I think I'm OK now. It was just a prank call.
Justin calls Joy
Justin: Did you talk to Dan?
Joy: Yes. I think I'm OK now.
Nancy calls
Nancy: I can't sleep. I'm sending Dan over.
Joy calls Justin
Joy: Dan is coming over.
Audrey: Mommy, will you come in my room after I go potty and tell me why you're holding a baton?
Joy (still clutching baton) waits for Dan while staying on the phone with Justin
Dan arrives and conducts thorough search of perimeter.
Dan: All secure, but I found a really big footprint. I think it's Bigfoot. Let's call Grover Krantz.
Joy: Grover Krantz is dead.
Dan and Joy sit in the kitchen talking for a while.
Joy: Well, it's been an hour. I think I'm OK.
Dan: Do you want me to stay on the couch?
Joy: No, I think I'm OK.
2:45 am
Dan stays on the couch.
3:15 am
Joy realizes that if Dan is on her couch, then Nancy doesn't have Dan with her. Joy is too freaked out to tell Dan this and make him go home.
3:50 am
Joy is still awake. But no longer has baton in bed.
Eventually Joy falls asleep.

And that, my friends, family, and random strangers, was my early morning.

Worry gives a small thing a big shadow. Swedish Proverb