"Remember me on this computer"

How many times do I sign into things on the internet and click the little "remember me on this computer" box, or "save user name and password"? And then how many times do I still have to input that information the next time I try to access that site? What am I missing?

Pretty average weekend. I'm still reading the same book (getting closer to the end--maybe tonight) and started a puzzle. It's an I Spy puzzle of marbles. It's hard to tell looking at it if it would be really hard because it's a bunch of marbles or if it would be easier because there are so many colors and variations. I still don't know! The pieces are weird shaped too. But I do love a good puzzle!!

No major plans for the week. I'll be going on the field trip to the Pacific Science Center with Emma's class on Thursday. Hopefully it will be fun.

Oh, Emma and Gracie's baton routine? They are going to do it again on February 22 at our church's annual Variety Show. The girls are pretty excited. We finally made it to church yesterday. We've been making it to Sunday School, but not to church. As I sat there yesterday I started wondering about churches in Ephrata. If we move, where would we go to church? Guess we'll do some church shopping again..... Or maybe we won't move and we'll stick with Westminster. And try to get there more often. Even 9am would be better than 8:30........

My dog has owies. She's licking the heck out of her hind foot and her side. Blech. Last night I gave her a bath. I even found the special shampoo we'd used before and the prescription ointment to put on it twice a day. I just put some on her and she just laid there. She's not quite herself right now. Poor thing.

Can you tell I'm putting off doing laundry? I keep telling myself that I should just get it all done. It's always so nice when all the laundry baskets are empty. Such a good feeling! I don't remember the last time I had that laundry related feeling. I recently went through the girls' clothes---put away too small stuff and tried to get out stuff that fits. A lot of Emma's too small shirts went straight to Audrey's drawer. Hardly found anything for Emma. She needs more jeans, it's just so hard to find some that fit! Huh, guess that feeling never really ends (she types as she's attempting to breathe while wearing jeans that are too small).

OK, that's it. Laundry. Really. I'm going to do it.

I like the word "indolence." It makes my laziness seem classy. ~Bern Williams

Twirling

Emma and her friend Gracie were in the school Talent Show today. They did a little baton routine. I can't technically say that they "twirled baton" because they did more of a march-in-place/strut but they still did a darn fine baton routine.

Where are the pictures you ask???? Well, since the staff in charge of the show did not notify the students beforehand when they would be on stage we were not ready. Ergo I did not get my videocamera/digital camera ready. Just by chance when Emma and Gracie were called up they had their batons. Because Kristi got them out of Gracie's classroom!!! I'd never experienced this before so I just assumed (and yes, I know that makes me an ass---thanks) the kids who would be performing would be told to start getting ready. But no, it starts with "So-and-so will now do such-and-such". Uh......do you want to let everyone else know that they should eat quickly (this was during lunch) and get themselves ready. Oh, I guess not. Until Joy bitches about it that is.....

OK, I really need to stop now. Hmmm...just started reading a book today. "Mumbo Gumbo" I'm not too far into it though so maybe it would make sense to read "A Dirty Job" instead. Too bad the library didn't have "You Suck" in yet. Somehow that sound appropriate tonight. In short---I think it would be best to shut down the computer and read in bed. Any bets on my mood when I wake up in the morning? I thought not.

I know well what I am fleeing from but not what I am in search of. ~Michel de Montaigne

(the quote above would be more appropriate if I truly knew from what I am fleeing)

Don't even bother reading this one.

Aaaaarrrrrggghhhhh!

Tonight I laid on the kitchen floor. Crying. I had rented movies. Movies I wanted to see, and had planned on watching one tonight. But instead I was on the floor crying. How does a professional find a job? I went to www.monster.com ('cause it gets all the commercials) but there are so many headhunters on that site that you don't know what you are getting into. I'm just trying to find something new. I don't even care where we live, we just need to start fresh. I love this house. I love these neighbors. But above all I want my family back. I want our family of four plus a dog and a cat (yes, I realize there are chickens, but they just don't feel like an integral part of our family---heck, we don't even eat that many eggs) back. That's all. Actually, no, that's not all. I want my family back and I want us to be in control. Have an opinion about how we are doing things? Keep it to yourself!!!!!! Yes, Justin works a lot. Buck up 'lil trooper! Think his company is taking advantage of him? Maybe you don't truly know what is going on. Think you know what's best for Justin? Know what's best for us? WRONG!!!!!! Yes I'd like to have my family back and completely in tact. Yes I'd like Justin to have the girls and then have me completely fall off the face of the planet. But unfortunately none of that is happening right now. Deal. With. It. (and that goes for me too)

Shit. Now I'm crying again. Yes, I know other people have it worse. I may be a "single mom" but it's not permanent. We are still married. Yeah, my husband's job situation isn't ideal--but at least he has a job! I know I know. I can't/shouldn't complain. All I'm going to do is make people feel bad. Do you think having me tell this to Justin will make him feel better about what is going on? No!! He'll feel worse and then I'll feel like a complete and utter piece of crap for even having brought it up. I'm starting to feel the way I did pre-medication. But with more emotions. shit again.

Disclaimer: Yes, I know that people I know and love will be reading this. That was the big struggle I had in the beginning. "Do I allow people I know to read this blog or not? I mean, it's not exactly like a diary where I can write in it and lock it up so no one else can read it. Even someone I know could randomly stumble across this blog. Might as well just tell people it exists in the first place." Please, either read the title and stop there (but if you did, you wouldn't be here right now) or read it and take it with a grain of salt. This time tomorrow I could be totally fine. Who knows!

I thought I was finally happy. Like I finally mattered. Like people would actually care--and maybe even liked me. Now that I've gotten to that place I want out.

OK. Deep breath. Have you read this far? Congratulations. Or not. Either way, I have to say I'm feeling better. I guess that's part of what I thought of when I started this blog--it's a way for me to vent. Unfortuntately it's also a way for me to let friends and family know what's going on in our lives. So you read waaaay too much about me tonight. Deal with it. However you want to, just deal with it. Pretend you stumbled across the blog of some unknown person and that's what you are reading right now. Please.

Computer changes

I had a friend here this weekend helping me with the PTA website and he commented on how much he likes IE7. I knew I had upgraded to that, but with the way I sign in to the internet I use MSN Internet Explorer and not Microsoft Internet Explorer. Not that I actually knew there was a difference (and maybe there's not, I'm just clueless). So I'm trying this new Internet Explorer 7. Which means I have to add all my Favorites back (OK, there's probably some easier way to do it, but I don't know how). Since I was adding this one I figured it wouldn't hurt to update my blog.

I'm mad at Meg Cabot. I read Princess on the Brink this weekend (the latest in her Princess Diaries series----thanks for loaning it to me Cass). Mia turned into a character I don't like! I just wanted to slap her. And then she finally had a chance to redeem herself, but Meg just wouldn't let her. Oh no, mustn't make Joy happy!! And then Mia went back to being slappable. sheesh (Note to any high school English teachers who may be reading this blog---you caught me. I read Chick Lit and mindless fiction. Did you expect more of me? I thought not.)

I'm trying to stagger my book genres lately. I tend to get kind of heavy on the Chick Lit---and I get obsessed with series. If an author I'm starting to read has a series I just have to read them all! So of course I'm not too happy with the person (or persons) who have had numbers 3 and 9 in Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series out from the library for so long. They were due November 13, 2006. Come on!!

I need to see if my library has the newest Christopher Moore book You Suck: A Love Story. I just love his books. I am on a constant quest to find a copy of Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal at a thrift store. I found one on www.half.com but am still looking for the elusive cheap copy. Sorry Mr. Moore, but I rarely buy books new. My Momma taught me well.

I have a treadmill now. I told Justin I wanted one, but he figured I wouldn't use it. So we're borrowing a friend's to see if I follow through with my "oh yeah, I'm gonna exercise" thing. I tried walking on it while watching a DVD of Grey's Anatomy, but I had to turn the tv up really loud, and I didn't want to do that for too long since the girls had friends over and I needed to be able to hear them. Originally I figured I would borrow books on CD from the library and put them on my mp3 player. Then Justin said, "uh, the computer is just a few feet away, why don't you just listen to it through that" and I said, "oh. duh." But with the treadmill being a bit loudish it might work better to have something directly in my ears. If only I could find those headphones I dislike least of the ones I have.....

Emma and her friend Gracie will be auditioning for the school talent show tomorrow. They are going to do a baton routine. I am a horrible teacher. But they are doing pretty well despite that! I ordered another baton from ebay the other day. It won't be here in time for the try-outs, but it had better be here for the actual talent show. Emma will be using my old baton. Everybody say: awwwwwwww.

Guess that's about it. I should get moving so I can start my project for the day: putting the clothes that are too small for the girls in storage and getting out the stored clothes that (hopefully) will fit. Not a quick and easy process, but it needs to get done. And soon! I'm tired of seeing my kids' bellies poking out through too small clothes---y'know, the clothes that fit last week.

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. ~P.J. O'Rourke

Uh-oh, that does not bode well for me.....

Grrrrrr

OK, I just tried twice to publish pictures and text to this blog. And it won't work!! It says it's working but I can't find the draft. Oh well. Maybe I'll try another day. Maybe not.

I watched the movie Brokeback Mountain last night. I suppose it was good, but I couldn't understand a damn thing Heath Ledger said! Is my hearing really that bad?

Audrey lost her first tooth this morning! Fortunately I did not have to pull it. I was on the computer (trying to put pictures on my darn blog) when she yelled "Mommy my tooth fell out!" Of course we immediately called Daddy and then took a picture to send to the relatives. She's pretty excited. Emma had told her that if she lost a tooth during vacation she wouldn't get to put her name in The Tooth Book at school. I told her that I was sure Mrs. Moller would write her name on the tooth for whichever month she lost it. But even today she was hoping it would stay in and come out tomorrow while she's at school. Now that it's happened though, she's pretty excited!

Yesterday I exercised. I did a Walk Away the Pounds video. I listened to my own music so I could enjoy myself and not listen to the host prattle on. However, I need to find my other headphones because the ones I used really hurt the inside of my ears. I need to exercise again today. WATP again or Belly Dancing? Whatever I do, I do it upstairs so nobody can see me. Not that we get a lot of visitors, but those windows sure leave me feeling exposed. If I do belly dancing I don't have to put shoes on. That may be enough motivation for me. It amazed me yesterday how much my feet hurt yesterday just walking in place.

Time to get some things done.

I found some good exercise quotes at www.quotegarden.com and couldn't decide on just one.

My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit. ~Phyllis Diller

A bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise. ~A.A. Milne

I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon. ~Ellen DeGeneres

Rain rain go away

A little while ago I read through my last blog entry. Here's an update:

I took a big black trash bag filled with clothes to Goodwill.
The Christmas decorations are down.
"New Year" cards have been printed, stuffed, signed, and (mostly) addressed. Mailing will have to wait since there is no mail service today (and I don't have them all stamped and return address labeled or even sealed).
I've entered my current info into my Weight Watchers account and am even considering some form of exercise today. And my one meal today has been healthy!

Not bad, not bad!

We spent a very nice weekend at Salmon Run Beach Getaway on Whidbey Island. It's in Coupeville right by the Keystone Ferry that goes across to Port Townsend. It's a nice house (although we tend to call it a cabin to make it sound more vacation-y) right on the water. Full kitchen, bathroom, master bedroom and loft with beds for the girls, TV with VCR and DVD player and tons of movies, lots of games and books. And even some toys for the kids to play with! It's surprising how two girls who tend to be at each other's throats and can't agree on anything to play will have a wonderful time at this cabin/house! There's a doctor's kit and they played lots of doctor, some fake food and we wound up eating many a fake meal. Lots of hide and seek and just general fun times. And no projects for Justin to get sucked into!! He was able to just hang out and play. Yay! Although none of this necessarily took work stress out of his head, but really, what would?

Justin's mom, sister, and her daughters came over on Saturday. It's generally a three hour trip from Barbara's house to ours, but since we were right near the ferry landing it only took them 1 1/2 hours. This is the last time we'll see Paula, Tia, and Sara for a long long time. Their family is moving in Indonesia in just a few weeks. It was great to have one last visit with them. The four girls have fun playing together.

Audrey got wet. We were outside on Saturday and Audrey decided to start wading into the water. First with her boots on. Then barefoot with her pants pulled up. Then a bit higher and who cares about the pants. Then the ice cold (ocean/Puget Sound) water touched her belly. Whoa! What a look. Of course a picture was needed so we sent her out one last time. Then we rushed her into the house and into a warm shower. Silly girl. But happy!

Holy cow it is raining. Absolutely pouring. Hmmmmm....I'm pretty sure Lucy is in. I'd hate to have to dry her off after being out in this. The downside to a long haired dog in a muddy area. I just looked out the window. You should see all these puddles! Grrrr.....recycling and garbage went out today. I'm not looking forward to bringing the bins and can in later. Ahhh....the roar is gone. Still raining a lot, but not quite dumping right now.

More work to do: laundry to fold, PTA stuff to type, cards to finish addressing, light bulb to change, puzzle to work on, book to read, movies to watch. OK, so some of those things aren't "work". Guess it's more just a "to do" list.

The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain. --Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Post Christmas Blues

Ahhh.....December 26. Christmas is over. I slept in. And I mean waaaaay in!! Unfortunately that was coupled with waking up grumpy. What's that you say? I'm always grumpy? Why yes, you are correct. Silly me.

Today I should start taking down the Christmas decorations. I know, it's a bit of a Bah Humbug attitude, but didn't we just agree on my perpetual grumpiness? I thought so. I've actually spent the past four or five days looking at our Christmas tree and dreading taking the ornaments off. Maybe I should bookmark this particular entry and read it next November/December as a reminder not to decorate. My house always looks messy anyway, then I add decorations and a gigantahuge tree. Where does it go???? I have a laundry basket full of Christmas/Kwanzaa/Hanukkah books and all my cute Little People toys can't seem to find a home. I need baskets!! And someone to follow behind me constantly picking up the stuff that falls in my wake.

I think the girls succeeded in playing with every one of their Christmas gifts except for the volcano and chemistry sets. And that was only because mom and dad put their collective foot down! Justin bought the three of us girls a laptop. Yay! Tomorrow I'll go to the store and get a few things for it: mouse, wireless internet stuff, whatever else Justin marked in the Home DepotMax ad...... So much to do! And so little desire to do any of it.

This week I need to work on our Christmas letter. I have the rough draft written, just need to get it on the computer. I even have the pictures developed. I want to print labels for the backs of the pictures. Maybe by the end of the week I'll be able to mail them. Guess I should change that first sentence to read "New Year" letter. But I'll get them out, I swear!!

I can't wait til January 1st so I can use my new Anne Taintor calendars. One for the wall by my desk and one for my purse. I went through my other wall calendar and made sure I put all that info in my two new calendars. Takayo sent us a beautiful calendar as well. Need to figure out where to put that one. I do need to make a change to all my calendars---the last day of school as been moved from June 15 to June 19 I think. Snow days. Gotta love 'em.

Any bets on how much I'll get accomplished today? Especially considering it's 2:03 pm already. Justin helped me realize that all of our Christmas dishes will fit in our uppermost kitchen cabinets. Whew. That frees up an entire storage tub. That will make my task a little bit easier. Probably should get a start on all of that. Keep my mind off eating too. Although I did just eat a big lunch.....you'd think that would be enough to keep me away from the snacks. I realized the other day that the three month subscription to Weight Watchers online was probably expiring and if I didn't put an end to it I'd get charged again. Then I decided that I really should keep it and use it. What a concept! So if I lose just two pounds a month I can have my new tattoo before next Christmas! Wish me luck.

Another task to tackle: any clothing hanging in my closet that has a layer of dust on it can go to Goodwill. Makes sense, right? Too bad that doesn't get me any money to purchase some new clothes. Sounds like I need some shopping trips to the thrift stores! After the girls are both in school.

Yikes! Dog is barking like mad. Ah, dog in backyard. Hmmm, not sure who's it is. Nice looking dog though. Might belong to somebody working on the house next door.

Really. Getting to work now. I swear! Thanks for reading the world's most boring blog entry.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
-- Frank McKinney Hubbard

Ding dong the witch is dead!!

Ya-hoo!!!!! He's been caught. He made about 50 calls over the last month or so and now he's been caught. Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is there anything more for me to say? I think not.

I wish he'd stop

Yep, it happened again. But now there's a trace on my phone. If he calls again I just have to record the time of the call and contact my phone company within 24 hours. The phone company will then fax the info to the sheriff. I almost want him to call one more time so the call can be traced/tracked.

Mostly I just want this to end.

Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night with a weird dream in your head? Then you lie there and try to figure out how you can manipulate the dream when you fall back asleep. I had that over and over last night. But the harsh reality is that it isn't a dream. I can't suddenly become a kung-fu kick-boxing majorette with attitude and beat this guy senseless; then have that tingly feeling that even though it was a dream it still feels real (like the mornings I wake up mad at Justin because he cheated on me in a dream). I have to try and go to sleep every night knowing that some guy is out there who may call again. And say horrible things again.

It's got to end.

Frightful Night

I know what you're thinking "golly, I try to read Joy's blog, but it's so boring"! Well, maybe a recap of my morning will help that a bit. Or maybe not.

1:24 am
Phone rings
Joy: Hello?
pause
Whispery Man Voice: Joy?
Joy: Yes.
Whispery Man Voice: I wanted to know if I can come over and %$&# you.
Joy hangs up
Joy calls Justin (because of course this type of thing would only happen if my husband wasn't home)
Joy: I think I'm going to call 911 and open the gun cabinet.
Justin: Why would you open the gun cabinet?
Joy: Well, I'm obviously not going to shoot anyone, I just want something heavy to smack someone upside the head with.
Justin: OK, your best bet is the 12 gauge. You don't need to shoot, the noise will scare the hell out of anyone.
Joy calls 911
Joy calls Justin to tell him she called 911
Sheriff calls Joy
Sheriff: Is your name in the phone book? The same thing happened to somebody last night. Try to get some sleep.
Joy calls Justin
Joy: I think I'm going to call Dan.
Justin: I'll call him for you.
Justin calls back
Justin: I left a message for him. Wait, he's calling me back now.
Dan calls Joy
Dan: Are you OK?
Joy: Yeah, I think so. I'm clutching my baton. I figure I can kick some majorette ass with this thing!
Dan: Do you want to come over?
Joy: No, I think I'm OK now. It was just a prank call.
Justin calls Joy
Justin: Did you talk to Dan?
Joy: Yes. I think I'm OK now.
Nancy calls
Nancy: I can't sleep. I'm sending Dan over.
Joy calls Justin
Joy: Dan is coming over.
Audrey: Mommy, will you come in my room after I go potty and tell me why you're holding a baton?
Joy (still clutching baton) waits for Dan while staying on the phone with Justin
Dan arrives and conducts thorough search of perimeter.
Dan: All secure, but I found a really big footprint. I think it's Bigfoot. Let's call Grover Krantz.
Joy: Grover Krantz is dead.
Dan and Joy sit in the kitchen talking for a while.
Joy: Well, it's been an hour. I think I'm OK.
Dan: Do you want me to stay on the couch?
Joy: No, I think I'm OK.
2:45 am
Dan stays on the couch.
3:15 am
Joy realizes that if Dan is on her couch, then Nancy doesn't have Dan with her. Joy is too freaked out to tell Dan this and make him go home.
3:50 am
Joy is still awake. But no longer has baton in bed.
Eventually Joy falls asleep.

And that, my friends, family, and random strangers, was my early morning.

Worry gives a small thing a big shadow. Swedish Proverb

Pointless quiz time!

Hey! Check me out!

I'm a Mazda RX-8!

You're sporty, yet practical, and you have a style of your own. You like to have fun, and you like to bring friends along for the ride, but when it comes time for everyday chores, you're willing to do your part.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Better hardly ever than never?

OK. I'm back again. Sorry it's been a while. I've actually kind of been busy! Well, OK, not really. Just haven't felt like taking the time to blog lately.

What's been happening? Had school conferences with both girls' teachers. They are doing very very well. No real surprises there. Although I was quite happy to hear a lot of good things about Audrey and her behavior at school. The way she fights her homework I was getting concerned about her working in school. When she throws a fit though, I do tend to ask her "is this how you act for Mrs. Moller?"

During conferences the PTA had a Scholastic Book Fair. It went very very very well!!!!! Each classroom teacher got to pick out $80 worth of books and the library gets around $1600 in books as well. Unfortunately I was just at the school and Scholastic has not picked up the books yet. The principal does not look thrilled to know they are still there cluttering up the hallway right by the front doors. oops

Just read another good book. Shoot the Moon by Billie Letts. She wrote Where the Heart Is, y'know, the Wal-Mart baby story that was made into a movie. She also wrote The Honk and Holler Opening Soon. I liked Shoot the Moon best out of the three. I really enjoyed it. It kind of made me think of Jodi Picoult's books a bit. And we all know how much I like her books!!

I'm on book two of Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum books. (Yes Laura, I am reading them) When I was picking the first one up from the library I noticed another of her books on the hold shelf. Yay! It's the next book in the Barney series!! So I'm in the hold line for that one too.

Have you read the Bridget Jones books by Helen Fielding? Pretty funny, right? Well I just finished Cause Celeb yesterday. It's a great book, but make sure you're not expecting Bridget Jones bumbling humor. I checked out another book by her at the library yesterday.

I really need to branch out into more authors. Any suggestions? Or should I just start going through the random books on my shelf that I've found at thrift stores...

Guess what Friday is......yep, the opening of the movie Happy Feet!! Oh, yes, also my eldest child's 8th birthday. I'm taking her to see Happy Feet! The movie's website has some great previews/trailers for the movie. And you can also go to a live penguin cam from The Maryland Zoo. Happy Feet Movie

Justin is back from his trip to Alaska. They had a great time even though they didn't even see a deer let alone shoot the 4 each they could have. He had a week of relaxation and that's what is most important.

I'd better get a little work done. I'm due back at the school at 11:00 to publish books in Emma's class. It's fun. The student comes up with the story they have written and I type it. I got to see Emma's all done at her conference. I'd been the one to type it, so I knew the story, but her illustrations were new to me and absolutely hilarious!! Can't wait to be able to have it here at home.

"Of all the things I would like to do during my life, my greatest dream is to go to Antarctica and shake hands with a penguin!" - Larry Mester

She Lives!!!!!!

Don't worry, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. The worst thing is--I know we've done some bloggable stuff lately, but now I don't remember what all it was.

I'm going to have to cut my nails. I have always coexisted nicely with talons, but I'm not as used to them now and they are getting in the way of my typing. Not to mention learning how to play the guitar (the one languishing in the corner) which I said I would do while I had both girls in school.

Yesterday we went to the funeral of Justin's grandmother, Kathleen. It was a very nice family service. The most beautiful flowers too! I told Justin that now he needs to remember that I want the song Pardon Goddess of the Night played at my funeral and I want the exact flowers from his grandmother's funeral as well.

Books. OK, books on the brain here. Between reading like crazy (nothing new there) and the upcoming Book Fair at school. Whew! Books books and more books. I've read my first book by Janet Evanovich, Metro Girl. It was a fun read. I like how she writes just as I would talk. (but not in a rambling, lost track, got back on but had been so far off that nobody knows I'm back on, they just think I'm further off) I'm looking forward to reading the next one in the series. My friend Karin loaned me Metro Girl and also a book by Jerrilyn Farmer called Killer Wedding. It was good, an enjoyable book, but didn't do tons for me. Wanna know the big one? Queen of Babble by Meg Cabot. What a great book!! And it's the beginning of a new series!!!!! At first I thought, why is she starting a new series?? She already started a new series with Size 12 Is Not Fat and I need to read more of those. But after reading Queen of Babble I want more of those and she can just give up on her Heather Wells mysteries. Perhaps I feel more empathy for Lizzie the "queen of babble"? This is BabbleJoy talking here! Then again, Heather Wells spends a lot of time educating people that she does not work in a "dorm" but rather a "residence hall". sigh When will people learn??

Today is Audrey's class trip to the pumpkin patch. I should probably get showered and dressed so I can meet them there. Need to run some random errands too. And type and copy the PTA newsletter to go out to students tomorrow. Wish me luck!

People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading.
-Logan Pearsall Smith, "Myself"

Forgot to put a quote earlier

From The Adventures of Priscilla: Queen of the Desert (my favorite movie by the way)


Adam/Felicia: Oh for goodness sakes, get down off that crucifix, someone needs the wood!

I am passive-aggressive

But you knew that already didn't you? I found out a few years ago when a member of our extended family informed me that I was passive-aggressive. That person was correct, but it still hurt! Wish there was a nicer term for it. Or is that just being passive-aggressive?

A difficult thing about being passive-aggressive (OK, let's just call it p-a from now on) is that even when I think I might be able to stand up to someone and tell them how I really feel, I can't because I won't ever get over it. I think the more straight-forward people can tell it like it is and then it's all over. It's out, it's discussed, it's over, let's move on. I envy people who feel that way, I really do! But for me, even when something is out, discussed, and over I still can't move on.

Let's say Becky Sue (not her real name) has an issue with me and she tells me about it and we work through it. Once that is over she is just fine with us and figures I'm fine with us too. Now, pretend I have the issue with Becky Sue and finally get the guts to talk to her about it. We talk--maybe she's even proud of me for finally saying something-- and in the end everything is fine. Or is it? She's feeling fine. We got it out in the air and now we're done. Good. But for me, I'm not going to let it go. It's not that I don't want to, I just can't seem to! My mind just doesn't work that way.

Now here's where I really become p-a. Someone is saying things that frustrate me. Instead of saying something to that person and seeing if we can work something out or agree to not discuss it again, I start feeling like I just want to avoid that person. I want to avoid the inevitable---the topic that always seems to come up. And it feels like the only way to do it is to avoid the whole situation---which includes that person. The topic isn't one we are likely to agree on, nor are either of us likely to sway the other. Unfortunately, I always feel like the bad guy in these discussions--that I am at fault due to association with the topic.

Arrrgghhh!

So the next time it comes up, can I just say, "y'know, whenever we talk about this I get uncomfortable. Can we just agree to not bring it up around each other?" What do you think? Will that work? Or will she want to delve even deeper and try to discover why I feel that way. Because that would just bring to the forefront the problem I have to begin with---my inability to confront.

I'm just not going to win here am I? No matter what I'm going to make myself feel bad. Bad because I won't confront it and bad because I'll let her continue to say things that (unknowingly to her) hurt me.

OK, so somebody just tell me it will all be OK! C'mon, hurry up!

Sorry, I know it's been a while

Not really too much to say, but I thought I should update this anyway.

Sara and Amelia were here last weekend. We had a good time. I didn't have anything "planned" while they were here (sound familiar?). They arrived Saturday afternoon and left Monday morning. Amelia is just waaaay too cute. Holy cow!

Sunday afternoon was the annual neighborhood party at Paul & Erin's. Great people and yummy food. Have I mentioned before how wonderful this neighborhood is??

I finished a terrific book. The Ship of Brides by JoJo Moyes. It's about 600 Australia war brides traveling to England at the end of WWII. They are traveling on an aircraft carrier---alongside it's entire (male) crew. The story focuses on four women who are roommates on the trip. Each one is unique and has very different experiences on board. I highly recommend it!

I need to get my PTA act together. We put out another newsletter today and our first general meeting is next Tuesday. Yikes. I need to put together my binder so I'm ready for everything. Hopefully I can be totally different from normal and get stuff typed and filed right away. We'll see how it goes......

Audrey will have school on Friday this week. It will be her first Friday so far. She's looking forward to it. That evening is Bingo Night at school. I think the girls and I will try to go. Tomorrow (Thursday) I will help in Emma's class.

Have you been watching Dancing With the Stars? We tape it and then watch it when we can. For last week, that meant we didn't watch it until yesterday. The girls only saw half and I watched the rest late last night. Somehow the results show tape didn't work last week. But I did accidentally turn the TV on right at the very very end so I know who lost. Hopefully it will tape properly tonight. I haven't watched it yet, but it looks like last night's tape worked. Whew.

My back is hurting, so I think that's all I'll do for now. I need to go through the girls' playroom and reorganize stuff now anyway. There's a kids only garage sale through Burlington Parks & Rec in early November. I told the girls they should have a table for it. We shopped at the one last spring, but this time we'll try and sell stuff. Get rid of a bunch of toys, puzzles, movies, that big stupid phone from the magazine sales fundraiser last year..... The usual.

Do I need a focus??

I read a blog today that's just about one person's opinions on wine. I've seen blogs that focus on just one topic: a tv show, a celebrity, an item......do I need to focus on something? Or am I just some middle of the road thing. Yeah, middle of the road. I'll take that.

I just finished watching Grey's Anatomy. I really like that show! However, I started watching it late. I have the first season DVDs on hold at the library though. Eventually I will get caught up! Tonight's episode was the end of last season (I've seen clips from it for weeks now!! I'm glad I finally got to see it) and I cried. How many tears can I shed in one day??? (wow, how dramatic is that????? when you call my girls "drama queens" you will know where it comes from now, won't you?) Emma, Audrey, and I went to see the movie Barnyard today. I read reviews of it on www.epinions.com the other day so I knew some of the plot. I chose not to mention some of it to the girls since I figured Audrey would decide it would be too scary and not want to go. So we went to the movie and we (and by we I probably mean I) shed a tear or two. Not a bad movie. And then there was Grey's Anatomy. More tears! My goodness. I really should get a life!

Did I mention that I need to lose weight? Fall is here and my jeans don't fit. I have a feeling, however, that popcorn from a movie theater is not terribly points friendly per Weight Watchers. I figured that all I'd eaten before was an egg cooked in salsa and I ate nothing after that (drinking, however, is another story) so my points are still somewhat within range. We'll see how this goes. Remember, if I get back to my goal I can get my tattoo redone!

So writing that made me feel like I should have another window open showing my blog while I write on this one. I know I've mentioned the "weight loss equals re-do tattoo" thing before. So has everything else I've written been mentioned before too?

"Lord I was born a ramblin' (wo)man...."

Did I tell you the horrible horrible news from last night??????? I had a meeting to attend and figured I'd be back around 8:00 at the absolute earliest. So I set the VCR to tape Dancing With the Stars on the tv upstairs. That meant that House would be unwatched until I arrived home and got the girls to bed (damn priorities). I tired to set the VCR downstairs. I really did!! It's a crap DVD/VCR player. We've known it for a while, but this really solidified my opinion. House did not get taped. A week without Robert Sean Leonard????? Good thing I have Dead Poet's Society and Much Ado About Nothing on tape.

As of 4:00 today the Burlington-Edison School District bond had not passed. Feck. Any bets placed on whether or not this will pass will go directly to the B-E School District to offset the next school bond. That's fair, right? Send in your money now!



I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts. ~Orson Wells

So far not so good

As of 8:28 tonight the Burlington Edison school bond was failing. There's still time though! It is huge. $74 million. But the crowding in the schools!!! I shouldn't fret. Tomorrow is another day.

Anybody want some eggs? Our chickens are producing quite well and really the only time we eat eggs is on the weekends. Although I did have some scrambled eggs/egg whites in a tortilla for dinner. I'm trying to lose weight again. Not so much for getting my tattoo redone, but more for fitting into jeans since fall is coming. It's been a long long long summer......

Bring on the rain

Emma and Audrey were playing outside when the sky opened up. They ran in to get their raincoats and umbrellas. Boy did it pour!! In the picture they're standing under the eaves at the front door. The rain just cascades off when it's raining that hard. It's the second time in a week that it's rained like that. Sure, now the rain comes, after I killed all my plants....

Fortunately Emma and Audrey are well enough to go to school. Both girls worked on homework yesterday. Emma got the bulk of hers done (it's all due Friday) and Audrey finally completed hers. It's no wonder Audrey doesn't know her alphabet yet. She will not sit and work on something!! Now, read the girl a book and she'll remember facts from it for eons. But sitting down and working on something is near impossible. And to make matters worse she has my personality. The whole "I can't do it" "I'll mess up" thing. I made her get up and do 5 jumping jacks each time she said she "can't". It still took hours for her to write her name 6 times. She hasn't learned lowercase letters yet, so I had her practice before she actually wrote on the homework paper. Sheesh! You'd think I'd named her Catalinamagdalinahoopensteinerwalendinerhoganboganlogan. She complained that Audrey was just too long. I'm not sure I'm going to make it through this!!

My sister is married. Who knows, maybe she even reads my blog, but she already knows I'm not happy about it. Last week her boyfriend/fiance text messaged her that they were breaking up and he was getting back together with his ex-wife. And his divorce had just been in the paper that day! (I didn't know he was married---they'd talked about getting married this summer. Kind of hard to do when you already have a spouse.) Then last night she calls and tells me they got married. I asked her why. She said "because we love each other". Huh. Sure as heck didn't sound like it last week!! When I talked to her the day he broke up with her she said she wanted to talk to him. I told her fine, but if he wants to date again or whatever would she please promise me that she wouldn't do anything for a month. She promised.

A while ago my brother told me that he liked my blog. (Yes, I was shocked and amazed that he would even read it.) I told him that I didn't have much to talk about, and some things I would want to talk about I couldn't because family and friends would read this. He suggested that I just write it, but change the names. Thanks for the tip, "Les"! I won't mention your wife though, don't want her to get used to seeing her name in print! Maybe I should start another blog and not tell anyone. Then I could vent all I wanted without fear. Until some random person found it and started circulating it and then I'd wind up on www.snopes.com and I couldn't even just move to get away, becuase it would be on the internet and everyone would see, not just family and friends, and I wouldn't be able to go anywhere without people pointing and staring, running away from me with distrust in their eyes, worrything that they would be the next victim impaled on the sharp spike of my blog.

I have a PTA board meeting tonight. I'd better start gathering together my stuff so I'm not running around in a panic at 6:00.

Well, as I always say, a family of freaks is better than no family at all. "Family Guy" 

I think it's Autumn

I'm chilled and I've turned the heat on in the house. I think that means autumn is here. Yay!!! My favorite season and home to my favorite holiday---Halloween. I suppose it's too early to start decorating for Halloween, huh.

I have sick kids at home today. Both of them have colds. Blech. Emma had a high temperature last night. Today she's coughing and blowing her nose like crazy. Ah, but she's still well enough to yell at her sister. Maybe I should intervene.....

I just wrote a long email to our family, so don't really have much to say that hasn't already been said. And badly at that. Let's see, here's a recap: sick kids, Audrey rode the bus, I went to Curriculum Night last night, our anniversary tomorrow....

I found a reason to watch the news today. My friend was making salads last night to take to her mother's rehearsal dinner. She finally finished and sat down to watch the news. She found out that some spinach had been recalled due to e coli. Guess what she'd made. Yep, a big ol' spinach salad! What luck! It would be so easy to have just gone to bed instead of watching the news and here she got some important information. Weird how that happens. Kind of like when I bought a copy of Good Housekeeping magazine and in the recalls section found info on a slow cooker being recalled. Hmmmm.....the handles break, my sister-in-law's slow cooker broke that way! Sure enough, I gave Sara the info and she got a new slow cooker. OK, so maybe Nancy's brush with e coli poisoning is more impressive, but it's my blog dammit!

Mmmmm....lunch time. We should have eggs. Our chickens are laying pretty consistently! And some of the eggs are gigantahuge!!! The carton doesn't even close. We've had some eggs break in transit, so I bought a cheap basket for the girls to use when they gather the eggs. No more baseball gloves or Barbie jeeps. We also have some eggs that are broken in the coop. Some just cracked slightly, and others will holes poked in them. It's fun having the chickens. But does anybody want a rooster?? The girls have renamed him Dinner.

Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns. ~George Eliot